He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
There are leaves in my underwear?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
