How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize