And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
