Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
