This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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