Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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