Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
