Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
