at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
