Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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