So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
