i already hear my dad disowning me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
