everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
