i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize