Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
