The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Randomize
