I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
