Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
