I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize