If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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