Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
