i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
