Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
