went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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