oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
