Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
