Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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