2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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