Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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