your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
