i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
