Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think people are normalizing furries
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
