So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
