You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
