omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
