No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
