the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Even my vagina gasped.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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