my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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