And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
