I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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