You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Your dad touched me again.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
