i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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