I can text with my tongue
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
