ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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