im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
