Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i now understand why vodka
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
