Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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