im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I am naked and annoyed.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
