Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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