The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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