What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize