bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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