everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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