GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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