My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
