Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
