Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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