i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
