We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize