AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
