i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
