Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
