I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
